Woa what a week. What a 2-weeks. I’m not going to get into the details of the past two weeks’ events as there are heaps of other platforms where you can get that information from (here’s a summary), but what I can share is how devastating this has been for me.
Until today, I have chosen to sit on the side and watch everything unfold. Actually, I don’t know if it was a choice. I think I froze. I know I wanted to support Matt and Automattic, but it’s like I was paralysed. All I managed to do was create a Twitter account, X account, so I could repost some of the messages I liked. Even that took me a few days to get right. I did it in such a haze that I forgot my username, never added my email and managed to put my phone number in wrong. That was fun trying to get access back!
And I had this personal niggle. I totally understood what Matt was trying to do, but I was being challenged by how it was all going down. While WP Engine’s lack of giving back is gross and icky, it’s not illegal. I spent many days working through the news and trying to fully understand where this was all coming from. I got the Trademark stuff and that can be handled by the attorneys. It’s the giving back I was having a hard time with.
I spent hours every day reading Reddit and X threads. It was like watching a car accident happen. I don’t mean any disrespect to folks who have been in severe car accidents, but I was watching my beautiful Automattic get absolutely slammed in the media.
Automattic. The first place I’ve worked where people got me. The first company that’s gone out of their way to see me as a person. The flexibility of freelancing with the stability of full-time employment. The company that offers benefits that extend to my family. The company that prioritises mental health. The company that does so much good. My Automattic. My second home. The place I have fought exceptionally hard to be at. The place I choose to spend more time than I need to because I absolutely love it. To the deepest depths of my heart. Yes, it’s a job. But it’s so much more than that.
Then came the alignment offer—six months of pay, your Mac and a reference. WHAT? Even longer if you have parental leave or a sabbatical coming up. The moment I saw it, I knew I wouldn’t take it, but I knew some people would take it for the other reasons. That hurt. I wish anyone resigning had to check an anonymous box so we could know who had an alignment issue and who took it for the cash.
Then boom: we lost a developer in our division. Ouch. And boom: Daniel Bachhuber. I was shaken up, but thought that was the worst. Then BOOOOOOM: Josepha Haden Chomphosy. I read about Josepha’s resignation around 6 am on Thursday, and I burst into tears. For the next 16 hours, resignation after resignation. Each one causing a wave of uncontrollable emotion.
Tears streamed down my face for the entire day. You know when you cry for so long you get a headache? Yeah, I was there.
Automattic is where I feel safest. While I have a full and happy personal life, Automattic is my stable, safe place. And suddenly, it wasn’t stable. Or safe. My Automattic was on fire. My home was on fire. And there was nothing I could do to stop the flames. Finally, at 10 pm local time, we hit the deadline, and the resignations stopped.
Soon after, we started to get the figures. 159 people took the offer, 8.4% of the company. I could slowly start moving from my emotional brain over to my rational brain. 8.4%. That is okay. Especially considering how generous the offer was.
Maybe things will be okay. I connected with other teams and divisions, checking on lots of people. Everyone seemed raw but okay. We’re bruised – definitely, but we’re together now. Aligned.
We received WP Engine’s lawsuit, and we lawyered up. Everything will be okay.
We had a team call on Friday. It was a combination of comforting one another, asking questions, changing topics and asking about the future. It felt good to be with everyone. I am not physically close to any other Automatticians, so it’s been a very lonely few weeks, and nobody around me could understand what I was going through.
It’s Monday now. I spent the weekend unplugged. I had two swims in the ocean. And I spent time in the sea today before coming to work. I think that during the next few weeks/months, as we process what has happened and figure out what A8c looks like in the future, I need to be sensitive to myself and put extra effort into ensuring I am recharged, and my cup is full. I’m glad we’re coming into summer.
I am Automattic-strong for life. They’ll have to fire me to get rid of me. I love it so much. My chosen-home. I am definitely bruised from these past few weeks, but whatever happens next, I’m here for it.
🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶
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